i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
