Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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