New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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