he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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