its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We are two peas in an std pod
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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