i don't plan on having that self control this summer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.