A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.