mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂