Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM