i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"