I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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