Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
