And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
