dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
