jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
