Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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