And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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