I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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