just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were trust falling into bushes