Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
sex in a hospital.. check
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.