I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.