i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.