He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since