He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
