someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
