that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
