Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
