if i can run in heels then i can drive
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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