My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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