Quick, to the slutcave!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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