How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
