I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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