So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
