literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
