Define "chronic" masturbator.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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