Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
