Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
