I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
