I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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