The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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