he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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