I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
