just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize