You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
