Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
