My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
