No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
