Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
