She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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