so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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