I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
