He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
