my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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