I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
