Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
