Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Your dad touched me again.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize