you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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