I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
