Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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