I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize