I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sex in a hospital.. check
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
