There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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