I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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