It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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