I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
